First comes love

Letting go of Monica

Before today, if I saw that at my own wedding I think I would have a panic attack. All those words, not aligned! Not centered! Uneven! If it's not a right angle, it's a wrong angle!  What is going on?!  (Besides the fact our names aren't Vince and Melissa)

But then you see it in the context of this entire beautiful wedding and it just works, (particularly alongside this image).

The bride and groom are an art director and a style director, so I'm entirely sure this was an intentional element and even if it wasn't I love it for teaching me that it's the imperfections that give something character and depth.  (and how gorgeous is her headpiece?!)

Keep it real

My bridesmaid Angie sent me this article in the New York Times, I think mainly because the title of it mentions burgers.  As I read it I found myself nodding as well as getting annoyed at the same time.

One of the trends it identifies is people rejecting "traditionally" lavish weddings in favor of more "down to earth parties".  Burgers instead of lobster.  Garden picnics instead of hotel dining.

"I don’t want a big show, just the best backyard party ever."

Awesome, I'm all for that.

But that quote is directly preceded by, "What she is hoping for, she said, is an experience that, despite months of preparation, seems unfussy and authentic". (emphasis mine)

Ugh, what?

There is nothing wrong with hard work and preparation for a wedding. It actually is a very special occasion.  The key point is that you choose how to spend your time and effort and that you're not fake about it! 

You can have champagne and cavier. You can have hot dogs and lemonade.  But it's gotta be all you.  If you guys are champagne kind of people, on this day of all days you shouldn't be ashamed of popping a few corks and instead hide behind organic lemonade served in crystal mugs.  I just don't see the point in spending money to make it look like you didn't spend money.

I'm reminded of some wise advice from a famous knitter (yes there are famous knitters).  She tells people not to discount their hard work and effort when making things. When people compliment you, don't just shrug and say it was nothing. It wasn't nothing!

So when the big day comes, no matter how it turns out, if I am lucky enough for people to tell me they think the wedding has gone really well, I will resist the urge to say it was nothing. Instead I will smile, look them in the eye and say, "Thank you. I'm so glad you're here with us to enjoy it.  It makes it all worth it".

The future vs the future future

Now that we've set the date and put down a deposit on the venue, Craig and I need to start looking at the budget in earnest.  Although some generous offers have been hinted (and straight out offered and gratefully accepted) we are planning to fund the wedding ourselves.  We've already started putting away a good bit every month and when I asked Craig to do some Excel work and project how much we could save by August it seemed like a doable budget (no matter what averages wedding magazines report).

We've also been setting aside money for a house.  We don't know where we're going to be buying or even when, but a little nest egg is slowly building up.  Craig projected that for me for the next year as well.

And then he showed me the combined total.

Oh!  I will heartily admit that the idea of using all of it, yup all of it, for the wedding crossed my mind.  Letterpress invitations!  Full makeovers for the entire bridal party!  Custom made hanbok for my mom!

I let myself fantasize for a good 30 seconds before I had to firmly reign myself in.  FIRMLY.

Seriously, do I want a pair of Louboutins for the wedding or do I want a massive walk-in closet for all my shoes? This is a no brainer for me!

I feel very responsible and grown up planning and budgeting for our wedding over a year away.  But I know the true sign of being responsible and grown up is to remember that the wedding is about beyond that one day, that first day, the beginning of our future future.

So I'm off to Paris this weekend (something of a reunion for me and one of my bridesmaids... we'll always have Paris...) and I'll be on the lookout to score some vintage steals and inspiration.  À bientôt!

The wedding, it is real.

Now that we are getting closer to booking The Venue and setting The Date (more on that next week!) my thoughts towards weddings have taken an interesting turn.

At first, I've had fun shamelessly flipping through magazines, dog-earring pretty much anything that caught my fancy or browsing the internet for hours, bookmarking things left and right.  Because the wedding was still such an abstract concept to me, I had no problem feeding that fantasy and reveling in all that wedding planning had to offer.  I could get married in a castle AND a beach AND a garden AND a barn with 2 3 dress changes and a gagillion dollar budget to boot.

But now we gotta start making decisions.  Woo-hee… is that a whole different story!  Because in that case, it seems to be insane to have "selected" 5 different color schemes, 7 different escort card displays, 12 different centerpieces, 16 different bouquets, 20 different favors, etc.  Oh and did I mention that most of them were DIY? Hahahaha… *wipes tear*

Anyway, I think I have to sit down with Craig and really talk about what kind of party we're trying to throw. 

As much as I gush and sigh over "soft romantic dreamy pink rose explosions", I know that's not really our style and what's the point of us trying to be someone we're not, particularly on that day of all days?

Even if we could afford like every single thing that caught my fancy (yes, including all 20 favors) it would just end up being a complete mess and we would just get lost in all that junk. Sometimes more is too much.

Some of my "favorites" just do not make any form of sense when based in reality. For example, I adore the look of pomanders hanging off the pews to decorate the aisle.  But we're not getting married in a church and the venue's chairs don't really suit anything hanging off of them and geez do I really want to think about renting chairs when the venue already provides perfectly good chairs just so I can hang some spherical flower arrangements??? No I don't. Let it go.

At any rate, I'm really glad I started this blog.  I can vicariously enjoy these things without feeling like I'm missing out on something when I start making concrete decisions about my own wedding.

(check out this gorgeous pink rose pomander!)

Words about the WIC

First, go read this great blog post over at A Practical Wedding (great name isn't it?).

I didn't want to leave a rambling comment there but it did get me thinking.

I think the negative aspects of WIC (The WIC?) is just a subset of the entire industry of making women feel inadequate. Fashion mags, Hollywood movies, pop singers, etc... they all carefully lean on our insecurities AND our delights.  I'll be the first to admit a love of shoes, ruffles and shiny.  It's just when I start feeling like crap because I can't afford THOSE shoes and look like THAT girl that it's a cue for me to step back, tickle my fiance, and have a cup of tea.

I don't think there's anything wrong with someone getting a little bit obsessed with matching shoes to earrings (I use the word obsessed with my tongue in cheek as well).  For me, I love trawling through the internet looking for the perfect tartan ribbon or whatever aspect of frivolous wedding planning has caught my fancy most recently.  But it's remembering that it's truly not important in the big scheme of things and not really why we're getting married that's critical.

The wedding industry is extremely useful. I have been really delighted at how much variety there is out there.  I just can't let it rule me.

The Ground Rules

Things to remember:

• Average wedding costs are just that, an average. It includes the weddings that cost $1,000 to $100,000.  They had 3 to 300 guests.  Approach and use these numbers with caution.
• That said, I will not feel bad if we spend more than the average on any item if we agree it is truly important to us and our day.
• I am smart. I am crafty. I have smart and crafty friends.
• First comes love.