Today I upheld my civic responsibility with jury duty. It hella sucked.
At first, my spirits were high. Sure I had to get up at 5 freakin 45 am, but it was kinda nice to see the city wake up, feel the fog of dawn, hear birds chirping, spot a lady walking to her office with a bunch of daffodils, and see a homeless guy playing hopscotch (never too early for crazy!) I also learned that I will walk 3 blocks and walk past 5 coffee carts in order to get a Starbucks.
My bright eyes quickly narrowed pretty much at the courthouse security checkpoint. I brought my knitting with me in anticipation of filling empty hours but I forgot I had my scissors in there. At the X-ray machine the security guard stopped me because he saw the scissors (and was a bit of a bitch about it too) and I tried to explain they were really small (like a 1 inch blade), for my knitting, etc... and he wouldn't have any of it and practically shoved me to the other side of the metal detector and told me I had to either put it in my car (no car, took the train) or THROW THEM AWAY. I quickly I gave him a "Are you f*cking telling me to throw my Ginghers AWAY???"
(Ginghers, for the less crafty folk, are like the BMW of scissors. Kris got a pair for me off eBay and I must say, cutting yarn has never been more satisfying or enjoyable.)
Anyway, I had no idea what to do so I walked around the block a couple of times and finally put the scissors under some potted bushes in front of a hotel.
I go back to the courthouse, go through the metal detectors again, and the guard says again "You still have scissors in your bag." WTF, I just buried them like some puppy buries their rawhide, don't tell me they're there!"
And just as he started searching my bag I remembered: my OLD scissors were still in there. OLD as in: has a 4 inch blade and is rusty.
In the spirit of the judicial system, let's go over the facts shall we?
1) Scissor concealment
2) Scissor denial
3) RUSTY scissor discovery
I'm surprised they didn't slap a Terrorist sticker on me and kick me out then and there. But no, such a fortunate end was not in my future. Instead I sat for 6 hours, knitted for 4 (but had to stop, no scissors), finished a book, got called to a courtroom, and I must return tomorrow because they didn't finish selecting a jury.
On the up side, at the end of the day my scissors were still in the bushes. (Bet you haven't read a sentence like that in a while)