dissonance

A present lack of focus

On Friday I went to see Pinback with John. Good stuff. If you're not sick of "Fortress" yet, go pick up Summer in Abbadon.

While we were waiting for the show to start we discussed my issues with the phone.  He thought maybe I should try calling up those 1-900 numbers to practice. I dunno. I think they may teach me the wrong way to talk. Who would talk to me if I talked like that? Would you?  Would you pay $3.99 a minute? If so, I may have found a summer job.

On Saturday, there was a Team Envy reunion.  Mabel, Cindy and I had dim sum at Pearl in Rancho Bernardo.  Mabel wants to join me in knitting!  Ah yes... we are slowly amassing an army of needle wielding warriors.

Afterwards, I went to Kris' for some goooooood ribs and heart attack inducing chocolate torte. I also learned how to play Bocce Ball!  I even won one round!  But John was on my team, and he didn't seem to understand our game plan: "to win".

And here we are back to Sunday.  I spent like 6 hours in the hospital today for my first day of volunteering.  I admit it was a bit of a thrill when one of the nurses said "Hey, um, volunteer, they need you in ER 3".  Need me?  Need moi??  How cool!  I go there and it turns out they cleared off 3 beds so they needed me to make them again.  Sigh.  But I tell you what, I can throw a sheet over a gurney and tuck it in like no one's business.

Very Observer

I got this picture from my online Psych class and I thought it was pretty cool/fun.

I definately found 10, and am a little unsure of my number 11.
Here are my answers. The one circled in blue is the one I'm not sure about.

Hmm now that I did this exercise, I can't stop seeing faces in that picture and it's a little freaky.

Where I get relationship advice

I love Tiny Sepuku

When I read enough of them, I start to get a tad cynical because I start to think, "My gosh, you are right Mr. Sepuku. Love does boil down to a smart alec response and a crude drawing of what appears to be a duck."

But if I'm already in a cynical mood they cheer me up.  "Oh that poor bastard has lost all faith in love.  Life isn't THAT bad."

In other news, John somehow got last minute tix to see Pinback at Spreckels tonight, yay. He said they're not so good in concert, but he's willing to give them a second try.  Now that's a fan.

First step is admitting to a problem

Tonight I met up with Patty and some of her co-workers at Rock Bottom cause she was down in SD for work. I carpooled with Andy, her old roommate.

Things were off to a great start when Patty told me I had to catch up with her. No problem.  She slowed herself down by chewing on some hops.

John showed us his new dance move called the "Butter" (as in churning)

Remember when I called Patty the Beer Bully?  She has been promoted to Beer Nazi!

But you can't blame her cause it's good stuff.  We got the Bumble Beer. Can you tell from the chart why we like it?

It became a problem when I started beating up on Andy.  Note my Wonder Woman cuff.

I don't know why John is so happy when he's still one bottle short of a pair of jugs.

All in all a good night. At least for Alex.

Patent pending biznatch!

I got a fortune cookie at lunch today and when I read it ("Buy yourself a nice gift") I said "Oooh this is a good one". My co-worker was like, of course it's a good one, they're ALL good ones.

Which got me thinking... They should make some fortune cookies with messed up fortunes in them.  That way, the recipient will feel that much luckier when they get a "good one".  It will add an element of danger to the meal. (Although, one could argue that the chinese food consumed is actually the element of danger.)

So I'm thinking about patenting my Unfortune Cookies idea. Or at least submitting some suggestions to Panda Express:

• "Just kidding. We did put MSG in that.  Like lots."
• "This may be the year of the rooster, but I only see a pig."
• "Life's a bitch and so are you."
• "Your date can't wait to leave."
• "Dayam... you ugly."

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Ok, I just googled "unfortune cookie"  and found this site, and I don't mean to be a snot but I think mine are better.  Come on... "Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're a jerk" is SOOOO 2000.  Any more out there?  There may be a prize.  But most likely not.

Testing, 1-2

Life sure is weird sometimes.  Here I JUST wrote about how life is so different for me now and then things happen to try and pull me back.

Call me a freak, but I think the pure timing of this shows that this must be some sort of test, or stepping stone, or whatever metaphor you wanna call it.  It's a chance to truly show myself that I've grown.

Or maybe I've been watching Serendipity too long.

Vegas... the remix

Ah, yes the Vegas Write Up.  I'm staying home from work today and I thought I'd have to 'fake call in sick' but my conscience has been spared because I really do have a sore throat.

It's interesting. I started this blog after the August Vegas trip .  And here I am 7 months later and in stark contrast to August, I'm in a better state of mind and you know what, life's pretty good.  It's nice to have something like this where I can see how life has changed, has been changing, and is changing all the time.  It all goes so quickly and I'm glad I've been doing the blog thing regularly to have something concrete to look at.

Ok that's enough introspective shit. Onto the writeup and pictures.

Somehow I got through 2 hours of work on Friday and then Cindy and I picked up Mabel.  The ride up was pretty uneventful except for us going, "Woooooooo" everytime we saw a sign that showed how many miles away Vegas was.  Our car was dubbed Team Envy according the infamous color coded excel sheet.

We stayed at the MGM Grand and luckily all three rooms were really close to each other.  The majority of us got to know each other over dinner at the Studio Cafe (everyone else showed up later).

Then we got ready to go to Body English at the Hard Rock.

I don't know how we got in, but I do remember that all of a sudden we were herded into the club at once leaving everyone else in line. I'm sure it didn't hurt to have 7 girls in the group.

The club was pretty nice. I remember at one point Carolyn and her friends dancing on top of some booth.  I thought they would be asked to get down by the bouncer, but he was the one telling them to go up there.  That's the kind of club it was.  Oh and I remember going up to the guy who reserved the booth and telling him to be nice to my friends or else I'd kick his ass.  And the rest of the night was just as fun.  A bunch of us took a limo back to the hotel (the roof of it had twinkly lights that changed colors).

The next day I went shopping with some people at Caeser's Palace.  It was really nice and the new expansion reminds me of SF Center, but most of the stores were incredibly unaffordable and most of my time was spent window shopping. Except for Anthropologie.  Dang, that store rocks.  Afterwards, Cindy and I got caught in the rain, but it was worth it to catch this cool little double rainbow.

We were all in good spirits for night 2.  The group split up and half went to Light at Bellagio and I went with the half that tried to go bar hopping.  The operative word being 'tried'.  i think we hit up 3 different casinos before we just said eff it and settled down at Bellagio.

Then the rest of the night was a blur. I do remember settling down in a lounge and fighting over a piece of tuna with Matt.  I ended up throwing a drink at him but he still got it.  Bastard.  And shots. Lots of shots with names like Red-headed Sluts and Minderaser.  Oh and a bartender that looked like Freddie Prinze, Jr.  I told him that and a waitress overheard me and said he gets that a lot.

I've learned some things about myself when I drink:

• I am cheap to the point of recklessness: I tried to pick up a quarter that got caught in the escalator.  It was bouncing around the end of it and people had to stop me before I shredded my fingers.  For a freaking quarter.
• I am disgusting: I tried to eat my mint that fell on the floor at one of the casinos. I think I said something like, "Five second rule, dude." and everyone replied (and I agree) that the Five Second Rule does not count in Vegas.  Do not touch anything on the ground at Vegas.
• I am compulsively neat to the point of recklessness:  Someone broke a glass in the hallway and I immediately went and started cleaning it up.  In my bare feet.  Using my hands.  I need to stay away from the Swiffer around alcohol.

More pictures here.

For more Vegas goodness, check out Matt's site. Or go to Randall's site for info about the wonder that is the Shark Reef. He also has pictures .  And I'm sure Spencer will have something soon being as he's the one who organized this thing (thanks!!).

What happens in Vegas...

... you know the rest.

Can someone please tivo the NBA All-Star game for me?  Although it won't be the same to watch it after it happens.  Can you believe the company I work for is a sponsor and yet I sit here with no tickets?  Unbelievable.  Oh but I shouldn't complain, because they are very good about supplying me with all the Brach's candy I can eat and some brown stuff they insist is coffee.

Anyhoos...

See ya Monday.

Maybe.

hardy har har

GQ released their 100 funniest jokes of all time.

To save you the trouble, here are my faves:

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink or do drugs. Because someday they’re going to be in a hospital bed, dying, and they won’t know why. (Redd Foxx) Just in time for Vegas yeah?

China has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you. (A. Whitney Brown)

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. (Jon Stewart) I *heart* Jon Stewart.

My sister was with two men in one night. She could hardly walk after that. Can you imagine? Two dinners! (Sarah Silverman) 

I have a large seashell collection, which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world (Steven Wright) Why this is so funny to me, I don't know.

They say animal behavior can warm you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona (Bob Hope/Gene Perret)

A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober." Oh, SNAP!

A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in shit up to their necks. The guy says "no, let me see the next room." In the second room, people are standing with shit up to their noses. Guy says no again. Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing with shit up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. The guy says, "I pick this room." Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, "O.K., coffee break's over. Everyone back on your heads!"

Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the fuckin’ French toast."

What am I getting myself into?

I'm going to have my 1st of 2 training sessions to be a volunteer at the hospital tonight.  This first training is to be a "volunteer ambassador" and then next Sunday I'm going to train to volunteer in the ER.

In the ambassador program I'm supposed see 8-10 patients during my shift and ask them how they're doing, fetch magazines for them, just chat, etc.  In the ER, there's going to be way less patient contact and it's mostly refilling supplies, organizing charts, and making beds.

I'm a bit worried about the whole patient contact thing.  I took a tour of the floors yesterday and my guide casually mentions, "Most of the patients are really appreciative and nice, but you'd probably want to stay away from the ones suffering from dementia." "How do I know who's suffering from dementia?" "Oh... you'll figure it out."

All righty then.

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With Vegas two days away and my manager gone on a business trip, I am now officially Useless.  The grande Sumatra from Starbuck's is not helping the situation.